Writer and performer Mara Wilson speaks about her experiences with anxiety and depression in a video for Project UROK.
Image: Project UROK
Mara Wilson, writer and performer who made her name as a child actress in Matilda and Mrs. Doubtfire, is sitting in front of a gray screen, hair gathered in a messy bun, wearing a sweatshirt with a stylized cat face on it and a big blue pin that says "UROK." In a casual tone that previous generations could never have conjured for such personal subjects, she is talking about anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder and the arc of her life from "anxious kid" to "anxious adult."
"I wish somebody had told me it's OK to be anxious, that you don't have to fight it," Wilson says. "When you face anxiety ... when you understand it's just this false alarm in your body, then you can work with it, then you can overcome it."
Wilson is one of the celebrities who have recorded videos for a new video platform, Project UROK, which stands for "you are OK." The month-old nonprofit features candid videos with comedians, actors and other public figures talking frankly about their mental health and how they came to accept themselves.
"We're trying to think of ourselves as a sort of mental illness destigmatization network," Jenny Jaffe, founder of Project UROK. The aim is to use the force of the Internet for good — a vast departure from the texting, bullying, shaming minefield of social media that can, and has, driven teens to suicide from a sense of isolation. Project UROK aims to give teenagers struggling with mental illness a sense of community, an assurance that they aren't alone and permission to see mental health as a subject that can be mentioned out loud.
Jaffe was inspired by past campaigns that put a human face on important issues, such as the It Gets Better Project, which used YouTube and other social platforms to give hope to LGBT youth facing bullies and harassment. But while other destigmatization platforms exist for mental illness, such as Glenn Close's campaign Bring Change 2 Mind, they're geared more toward adults.
"The generational difference in how people over a certain age interact with the Internet versus how teens and young adults do is monumental," Jaffe says.
Teens, as always, speak a different language: the language of text, of Snapchat, of celebrity YouTube bloggers and Instagrams. So Project UROK, and its staff, always keep the language of modern sharing in mind. Instead of asking teens to seek information in a formal way that isn't natural for them — making a phone call or going to a library, as previous generations might have done — the project harnesses the power of the Internet.
In a connected age, using shareable video for something other than cats and memes has proven to have obvious appeal. Kids of all ages and backgrounds have written to the team, expressing interest to record their own videos and write blog posts. Since it officially launched on April 17, the platform has racked up nearly 900 YouTube subscribers, about 18,000 views and more than 13,000 Twitter followers.
The project also relies on another key aspect of the Internet: the first-person voice.
"This is a platform we built for whoever wants to use it. It's really great to have a celebrity or public figure endorsement, because it's someone people can look up to ... but we want it to take form as a two-way conversation," Jaffe says. "My message is, if you're comfortable telling your story, we want to hear your story."
Users can send an unlisted YouTube video or raw file to the team, and they'll post it to the Project UROK and also monitor comments to ensure a safe space.
What 'mental illness' really means
Mental illness is common among adolescents, and yet it's still a subject very much in the shadows. Approximately 1 in 5 teens between the ages of 13 and 18 live with a mental health condition, but only 20% of those teens actually receive help.
Stigma, according to the National Alliance on Mental Health (NAMI), is leaving them behind.
Jaffe feels we're finally progressing in terms of the conversation surrounding mental health, but she says there's a long way to go — especially in the U.S., where mental health and physical health are not given equal importance.
"Mental health is often seen as a luxury," she says. "Just as you need to be able to find an affordable doctor in your neighborhood, you also need to be able to find somebody you can talk to about how you're feeling. Destigmatization and spreading information about what 'mental illness' really means is the first step."
Acceptance of mental health
Jaffe, still in her 20s, is not so far removed from her teen years. She remembers keenly the isolation she felt as a teenager, when she struggled with anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder. Even with professional help and support from her family, acceptance took years.
She turned to comedy to fight her demons and help other people talk about theirs.
"I got into comedy because it helped me when I was at such dark points in my life," Jaffe says.
She decided to switch gears after she wrote about her experience with exposure therapy and saw the outpouring of responses from people who could relate.
"I was doing [comedy] as a sort of indirect way of helping other people who were in similar situations. Project UROK is a way of doing what I was trying to do in a much more direct way," she says.
While these videos may be empowering to teens, Project UROK also makes sure to direct users to professional help if and when they need it. It has a comprehensive resources page, curated based on helpfulness and whether the staff members, all of whom have experienced mental illness or knew someone who did, would use them.
There are also several psychologists on the nonprofit's board, and it works with the Children's Health Council, which is the same organization that helped Jaffe as a kid.
"We can't ourselves administer any treatment, but we can point them in the right direction," she says. "If we come across anyone we're concerned about, we have an order of operations in place for next steps. Keeping our users safe is our No. 1 priority." For immediate help, contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255). If you live outside the U.S., you can find the appropriate resources here.
Think music festival and visions of mushrooms dance in your head.
It's far from shocking that some festival goers boost their musical experiences with substances. Drug emergencies even disrupt some events, such as New York's 2013 Electric Zoo, which was shut down early after two attendees died from overdoses.
The substance and addiction resource Drugabuse.com analyzed Instagram posts to find out which drugs people mentioned the most when referring to their favorite music festival. Over 3 million posts were analyzed.
For starters, the most Instagrammed music festival turned out to be Electric Daisy Carnival. Not surprisingly, EDC had the most posts mentioning substance abuse, too — over 40,000. And out of all the substance-related posts for Marley Fest, 82% included mentions of marijuana. MDMA was the most popular for EDC and Ultra, and cocaine for Coachella. And the before-mentioned Burning Man sees quite a bit of DMT.
Are you tired of constantly cutting the cheese? Unsurprisingly, there's an app for this.
A little device called the CH4 is named after the chemical compound CH4, or methane, which is found in natural gas. Har har.
Funding for the fart-tracking wearable is underway on Kickstarter, where a pledge of $120 will get you one of these non-invasive little guys.
Brazilian graphic designer and wearables enthusiast Rodrigo Narciso is the brain behind the tiny 3D-printed tracker. He developed the idea for his Master's thesis in NYU's Interactive Telecommunications Program. The concept is simple: Correlate how much you fart to what you're eating.
"People are divided. Some love it and some think it’s just a joke/parody," he told Mashable.
Place the square in your back pocket or attach it to your belt and go about your day. The sensor will detect each time you fart and record it on what resembles a car's gas gauge. Then, on the associated app, enter your daily food intake; the CH4 will figure out which foods make you extra gassy, and can thus be avoided.
Think of the last time you felt stressed. (For many, that time might be right ... now.)
Maybe your heart's racing a little bit, your brain wheels won't stop
whirring, your eyes even feel like they might be bugging out of your
head a bit. You probably feel like you're racing toward a finish line
you're not sure you'll make it to, while something heavy is pumping
through your veins. And all the while there's this looming thought over
your head of, "This isn't good for me! I need to de-stress!"
Japan has given us a lot over the years. Karaoke, emoji, anime, Nintendo. Crying rooms.
Wait, crying rooms?
Yeah, apparently this is a new thing in Japan. According to The Telegraph, the Mitsui Garden Yotsuya hotel in Tokyo is offering women special "crying rooms" to help them combat stress.
The rooms, which can be booked for 10,000 Japanese yen per day
(that's about $85), through August 31, contain tissues, warm sheets and
eye masks. Women can also watch tearjerker films — such as Forrest Gump — or read super-sad manga.
As Jezebel
notes, the idea is pretty genius. Sometimes there really is nothing
better for the psyche than a good cry. And having a safe space to do it
in — away from home, away from work — strikes me as brilliant.
Still, I do take issue with the fact that the rooms are only for
women. Yes, I realize this is Japan, where sometimes cultural ideas
around gender are, let's say, different from the western world. Still,
I'd think Japanese men could enjoy a good cry, too.
Japan has lots of weird hotels and cafes
As The Telegraph notes, crying rooms are just par for the course in the wacky world of Japanese hotels and cafes.
Tokyo is packed with "love hotels" — hotel rooms designed for short
stays when you are feeling amorous. Reportedly, 1.4 million couples
visit a love hotel each day.
There are also "cuddle cafes" where men pay to sleep next to a girl.
They don't get to have sex with the woman, but can pay extra to stare in
her eyes for a minute or to stroke her hair. (OK, this is just creepy.)
And of course, Japan gave us the cat cafe — a concept since adopted in America — where individuals can enjoy a latte or juice while stroking a cat. Japan also now has bunny, owl and bird cafes.
Stress is real, crying helps
It's easy to dismiss a crying room as something silly or even
unnecessary. Still, studies show that adult workers are under more
stress than ever before. This is true in the east and in the west.
Crying is often seen as a sign of weakness, but evolutionary biologists have done studies that show the emotional benefits of crying
.
It's good to get it out.
And frankly, if we're allowed to have nap rooms at work, I like the idea of having a crying room at a hotel.
It's better than the subway. (Can I get a shout-out from my fellow criers on the C Train?)
Image: Flickr, University of Washington Office of News and Information
Yoky Matsuoka, a cofounder of Google X, will be passing on a top job
at Twitter after recovering from a life-threatening illness.
Having a second chance at life has shifted priorities for Matsuoka,
who had the opportunity to become vice president of technology and
analytics at the microblogging company. The former University of
Washington robotics professor wrote that she isn't clear on her future
plans in a Thursday blog post on Medium.
"When you get another chance at life, there’s an opportunity to start
from scratch and I feel so lucky to have this," Matsuoka wrote.
Matsuoka, who was recently vice president of technology at
Google-owned Nest, was diagnosed with the life-threatening illness a few
months ago. She doesn't name her ailment in the blog post, but she does
describe the gut-wrenching feeling she experienced following her
diagnosis.
"Suddenly, my future — a hectic schedule with a full and loving
family and a challenging new job — felt essentially erased," she said,
adding, though, that after treatment she began to heal. "The doctors
have given me a thumbs up.
A new future has begun to fill my mind again."
Matsuoka may one day return to the tech industry, but for now she plans to spend time with family and tackle personal projects.
"I want to work again, but also want to take time to construct this new life I have been so blessed to be given," she wrote.
You’ve tamed the laundry, hit a home run at work, and dished up a family dinner. Forget anything? Oh, right—your partner!
It’s easy to simply co-exist with the person next to you in bed. But a rise
in "gray" divorce (couples over 50 calling it quits) suggests that
Isn't it time to add a little love to your to-do list? Try these 29 libido-boosting ideas.
Try something new together
Climbing out of a dating rut can be difficult. But couples who
participate in exciting activities get a big boost in relationship
satisfaction, according to a study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. So grab your significant other and get ready for a good—but different—time.
Laugh it up: Crack up at a comedy club with your sweetie.
Get comfy in the kitchen: Take a cooking class (bonus points for learning a foreign cuisine).
Hit the road: Rent a fun car—a Prius, a Volkswagen Beetle, aSmart Car, a Mustang—and go for a mini–road trip.
Gossip
It’s tempting—and often prudent—to keep couple conversations behind
closed doors, but you may actually benefit from blabbing to a close
friend.
“Many couples live very privately and discuss these
issues with the shades down, but relationship issues like this can often
benefit from hearing how people that you trust dealt with a similar
situation," says Ken Robbins, MD, a clinical professor of psych
Whether it’s hearing how a friend dealt with her husband’s infidelity or other big hurdles, a little empathy can put things in perspective.
Tweak your diet
Eat up! Almonds, avocados,and arugula can boost your sex drive and improve fertility.
Open about your spending
Nearly 40% of married people admit to lying to their spouse about a
purchase, according to a 2004 poll, and money is the number-one reason
couples fight.
Don’t fret if you’re a spendthrift and your
partner pinches pennies. “It’s probably not a good thing to have the
exact same philosophy about money,” says Dr. Robbins. You don't have to
be a financial martyr, but don't hide your spending habits, either.
Slip on something red
Research shows that men find women who wear red sexier than those who wear “cool” colors such as blue and green. Any doubts as to what you should wear for date night?
Assess your sex drive
If you're not interested in sex—but you would like to be —there might be a medical explanation.
Reduced blood flow: Diabetes and high blood pressure are among the health problems that can restrict genital blood flow.
Hormonal issues: Menopause, breast-feeding, birth control pills, and thyroid problems can dampen sexual desire.
Medication side effects: Antidepressants and chemotherapy agents such as tamoxifen are frequently to blame.
Make an appointment with your primary care doctor if you've noticed an unwanted decrease in your libido.
Hit the gym
If you want to be "hot-blooded," then improve your circulation. Physical fitness
can increase blood flow, which in theory can make sex more pleasurable,
since sexual arousal for both men and women involves increased blood
flow to the genital area. And that can increase desire itself—if it
feels great, you tend to want to do it more.
Make your bedroom Tech free
We hear it over and over again: The bed should be used for sex and sleep only. But still our beds are cluttered with laptops, Blackberries, and Netflix rentals. How can you cuddle up to your partner when you're stuck in extension cords?
This month, try clearing all your gadgets from your bedroom and explore each other instead of the Internet.
Help your partner quit smoking
Erectile dysfunction, a yellow grin and loads of wrinkles, stained wallpaper, increased risk of balding—can you name one good reason why you shouldn't help your partner quit?
Of course quitting isn't easy, but smokers who have support
are more likely not to light up. Recognize and congratulate small
milestones, and realize that your partner may be crankier than usual.
Sometimes the best thing you can be is a sounding board, or even an
emotional punching bag, for whenever a bad craving strikes.
Keep things hot when you're apart
Sure, it sounds a little intimidating at first, but phone sex is a great way for couples to bond when one of you is on the road.
First,
dim the lights and slip into something sexy. Start by telling your
husband what you’re wearing, where you are, etc. Talk about the last
time you had sex or what you would be doing to him if you were home. If
the goal is an orgasm, describe what you’re doing to yourself, and ask
him to do the same. Just relax and have fun!
Turn up the heat
Dig into a dish made with chiles—they contain capsaicin, a substance
that stimulates nerve endings, triggers the release of endorphins, and
ramps up heart rate. Next date night, try these chile-infused Salmon and Scallop Skewers.
Give your bedroom routine a boost
Think of ways to pique his interest outside the bedroom. Next time
you take a shower, wear just the towel around for a while. Titillation
will spur him to be more spontaneous.
write down your fantasies and put them in a “fantasy jar.” Then take
turns picking out of the jar and act out the fantasies. This can build
intimacy, trust, and great sex.
Embrace the quickie
Few of us can afford the luxury of leisurely sex, says Jennifer
Berman, MD, the director of the Berman Women’s Wellness Center and
author of For Women Only. And holding out for the perfect moment can lead to infrequent sex. The solution? Embrace the quickie.
For
extra excitement, break out of the bedroom: Five-minute romps are
perfect for unusual locations, even if that just means your shower or
sofa.
Eat an elegant meal—for less!
Need a little extra something to put the sizzle back into your
Valentine’s Day? Skip the overcrowded, overpriced restaurants and cook
something special for your partner. Or, for extra relationship points,
start chopping away together.
Remember that you're a team
Expanding your brood requires adjustment. “Sex lives of people who
have children are worse—there’s data to prove it,” says Andrew
Goldstein, MD, an obstetrician and gynecologist at the Johns Hopkins
School of Medicine. <
When possible, get a friend or relative to
occasionally help out at night so mom and dad have some time to
cultivate their relationship one-on-one. Especially as kids get older,
make sure they understand that mom and dad need time to themselves.
Watch your waistline
Wedded couples tend to have fatter waistlines, which can spell
trouble in terms of sexual attraction and general health. A 2007 study
found that your chances of becoming obese increase by 37% if your spouse
becomes obese. So unless you want “till death do us part” to include
chronic health issues like heart disease and diabetes, it’s important to
establish healthy eating habits early on.
Spend couple time checking out local farmers’ markets on the weekends in an effort to consume fresher, low-calorie fare. Or...
Make an exercise date
A 1995 study found that couples who work out together are more likely
to stick with an exercise program. And some experts suggest that
couples who exercise more frequently tend to have better sex lives.
Try a life sport that you can enjoy together for decades to come, like golf, tennis, or hiking.
Work on your working relationship
Given the state of the economy, it's likely that you or your partner
is facing some tough employment choices. Both partners need to respect
the other’s role and recognize their situation as shared. Open
communication can help you weather the storm and make your relationship
even stronger.
Find family and friends dealing with this same
issue. Talking about shared struggles can help couples gain perspective
and give them a chance to feel good about using their experience to help
others.
Get some shut-eye
Snoring away and having passionate sex may seem like exact opposites,
but experts insist that getting enough sleep is the number-one
aphrodisiac.
Too tired for intimacy at night? Change your schedule to include some cuddling or a quickie before work.
Love your body
Is your libido lagging? Many women withdraw if they feel overweight.
News flash:
“Women have a talent for disliking the very things about themselves
that other people find very attractive,” says Los Angeles–based sex
therapist Linda De Villers, PhD. Feel free to ask your partner what he
likes about your body; his compliments can help you feel more positive.
Eat more seafood
Oysters are one of the best sources of libido-boosting zinc. But
other types of seafood can also act as aphrodisiacs, too. Oily fish—like
wild salmon and herring—contain omega-3 fatty acids, which are
essential for a healthy heart.
Swap in seafood instead of your usual meat or poultry a few times a week. You'll be doing your heart and your sex life a favor.
Search for the big O
Elusive? Yes. Attainable? Certainly. Although every woman is unique,
the woman-on-top position is a good place to start, says Berman. For
most of us, clitoral stimulation is key to an orgasm, and this position
lets you rub your clitoris against your partner's pelvic bone for dual
stimulation.
Sex from behind, or doggie-style, is another great
option because it stimulates the G-spot in the vagina while also
allowing you or your partner to rub your clitoris by hand. It also makes
it easy to massage other erogenous zones like the nipples, which
increase your chance of reaching the big O.
Stop comparing yourself to other couples
It doesn’t matter whether you’re having sex five times a week or five
times a year, as long as both of you are happy. In fact, a 2008 study
found that couples who reported any kind of marital intimacy—everything
from holding hands to sex—exhibited lower levels of a hormone produced
by stress.
Have a pre-date
You've rushed home from work, hopped in the shower, and turned on the
hair dryer while feeding the kids—you'd probably rather take a nap than
hit the town. So have the babysitter come early on date night so you
can relax with music and unwind with your partner before you head out.
Get away
"People are overworked and stressed, and they translate their
overworked, stressed lives to a lousy sex life." suggests Irwin
Goldstein, MD, the director of San Diego Sexual Medicine and editor in
chief of the Journal of Sexual Medicine.
When your to-do list gets to be too much, take a couple's trip—or send the kids to their grandparents' house and have a staycation. It may be just what you need to recharge your relationship.
Don't be afraid to get help
When a marriage is rocky, it can make both partners feel depressed.
But only middle-aged women—not men—seem to have health problems
associated with marital strife, such as high blood pressure, excess
belly fat, and other factors that boost risk for heart attack and
diabetes, says a recent study. The bottom line? If your relationship
feels rocky, get help.
Be understanding if your partner seems skittish
It’s got to be nerve-racking to propose marriage to your sweetie. But as freaky as Jaws?
A survey
of British men found that guys are just about equally frightened by
shark attacks and popping the question! So cut the guy some slack—or
better yet, take the heat of him and do the proposing yourself!
Realize that all couples fight...
...but once you've settled your grievances, you've set the stage for amazing makeup sex.
It's natural to feel turned on after an argument— adrenaline and
dopamine (your hormone of desire) levels rise, giving you that excited
feeling.
One caveat: If it always takes a blowout to get you two
connecting, then you should seriously consider talking to a couple's
counselor.
Work on yourself first
When you are feeling depressed, your partner feels the strain too. If
you tend to isolate yourself when you’re feeling blue, it can take a
serious toll on your relationship.
Antidepressants can help pull
you out of a funk, but are less effective for mild depression than
moderate or severe depression. They can also cause side effects like a
decreased libido. If you notice a dip in your sex drive, discuss
alternative medications with your doctor or seek non-drug treatments like talk therapy or exercise.
The energy level for many business leaders isn't quite right, new research suggests.
Too many business leaders are working above or below their optimum
energy level, which translates to a loss of productivity all around,
according to the recent Leadership Pulse study. Specifically, 82% of business leaders are not working at their best energy level, which is when they maximize productivity, meet challenges head on and look for opportunities to accomplish more.
Of the 540 business leaders who participated in the study, 61%
reported working below their optimal energy level, while 21% are working
above their best energy level. Just 18% of those studied were working at their most productive energy level.
The findings are a cause for concern, said Theresa Welbourne, an
affiliated researcher at the Center for Effective Organizations at the
University of Southern California Marshall School of Business and the
study's author.
"We have over 15 years of research from hundreds of thousands of
individuals showing that optimizing and directing energy positively
drives high performance and growth," Welbourne said in a statement.
Welbourne said working above your best energy level is
counterproductive because mistakes are made more frequently, and small
obstacles easily become big problems. She said working at this level for
too long can lead to burnout.
Conversely, when leaders work too far below their optimal energy
level, they avoid challenges and boredom sets in easily, Welbourne said.
The research found that among the leaders surveyed, this was
particularly a problem for senior managers, vice presidents and CEOs.
Welbourne said in order improve energy and productivity business
leaders need to measure and understand their own energy and that of
their employees.
"Energy changes on a regular basis; thus, to optimize and direct it,
more frequent measurement needs to be taken," she said. "Once an
organization knows what the energy levels are, then leaders, managers
and employees can focus on how to make improvements that directly drive
positive energy."
Often, small and quick changes can have lasting and substantial impact on employee energy at work, according to Welbourne.
"The best solution may be working with employees directly; teach
individuals about their own energy and help them learn how to start the
right conversations needed to make small changes to improve performance
one person at a time," Welbourne said.
Welbourne conducts the quarterly Leadership Pulse study in
partnership with CEO, human resources consulting firm Mercer and
technology partner eePulse.
Children ride bikes past the Capitol Rotunda on Capitol Hill July 10, 2014 in Washington, DC.
The majority of workers across the U.S. still commute by personal
car, but residents of certain states take greener means of
transportation, including public transit, walking, biking or carpooling.
While technically a federal district and not a state, Washington,
D.C. has the greenest commuters in the country, according to the U.S.
Census Bureau's 2013 American Community Survey.
The survey shows that 57% of D.C. commuters get to work in more
sustainable ways, primarily by public transportation and on foot. New
York takes the second spot with 35%, followed by Massachusetts with 15%.
Tennessee, Mississippi and Alabama have the lowest number of green
commuters, with more than 9 in 10 commuters using a car to get to work,
and less than 1% of workers using public transportation.
It's important to note, however, that simply using public
transportation doesn't necessarily mean "green," considering buses and
trains still produce carbon dioxide emissions. Vehicles that use
compressed natural gas, electricity or other low-carbon fuels can help reduce emissions.
Released earlier this year, the United Nations Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change's "Fifth Assessment Report"
noted that on the current trajectory, greenhouse gas emissions from
transportation (including cars, trains, planes and ships) are set to be
one of the greatest drivers of manmade climate change, and could even remain unaffected by future mitigation measures.
The following chart, created by statistics portal Statista, shows the top 10 places in the U.S. where commuters are getting to work through alternative means.
When Nellie Mead and Teresa Espinosa conceived their daughter, they
did it without sex, a fertility clinic or medical supervision. Instead,
Espinosa injected a friend's sperm into a menstrual cup she bought at a
drugstore. She then inserted the cup into Mead's vagina in their Spring
Hill, Florida, home. Aliena was born in July.
“I was shocked when it worked,” says Mead, 25, who had thought her
only options were “to have sex with a guy and that wasn’t happening” or
“to save thousands of dollars to buy sperm.” That was until she
uncovered a trove of at-home artificial insemination advice online. Mead
devoured YouTube testimonials, where a search for “home insemination”
yields more than 11,000 results (though some are clips of impregnating
livestock).
Single women, lesbian couples and straight couples with fertility
troubles are increasingly experimenting at home with store-bought goods,
in an effort to skirt expensive fertility procedures like intrauterine
insemination (IUI) and in vitro fertilization (IVF). At-home
inseminators enlist friends or acquaintances to donate sperm, or procure
free donor samples from dating-style portals like the Known Donor
Registry, Pollen Tree and Pride Angel. Some go a more orthodox route and
purchase sperm from FDA-regulated banks, which can cost from about $500 to $1500
per cycle. In addition to saving money, many at-home inseminators say
they prefer bedrooms to treatment rooms, because they can personalize
the conception experience, imbue it with romance, and reduce stress.
Legal experts warn, however, that inseminating at home can compromise a
couple’s legal rights.
Embracing the DIY ethos, Mead and Espinosa assembled a kit of
store-bought tools over the 10 months they tried to conceive. Items
included an ovulation predictor kit, various sized syringes (1
milliliter was the winner), menstrual cups intended to catch period
blood, prenatal vitamins and herbs like Evening Primrose and
Chasteberry, and Robitussin cough syrup to loosen cervical mucus and
whisk sperm on their course.
Mead, who shaves the sides of her head and wears baseball caps,
documented their attempts in a series of “pregnant stud updates” on
YouTube, with Espinosa at her side. Their video announcing Mead’s
pregnancy was watched more than 100,000 times, and now they’re selling a
version of their kit on eBay.
The trend wouldn’t have taken off without the Internet. Tabitha
Freeman, a research associate at Cambridge University, studies the
growth of Internet-abetted artificial insemination and is examining
1,000 users of Pride Angel, which aims to match sperm and egg donors
with recipients, most frequently in the UK, U.S. and India. She
estimates that roughly 70% of the nearly 500 sperm recipients in her
study wish to inseminate at home. A third of all sperm orders at the
Cryos International Sperm Bank based in Denmark are intended for at-home
insemination, and that number increases each year, according to
managing director, Ole Schou.
The main reason couples bypass assisted reproductive technologies to inseminate at home is cost.
The average out-of-pocket price for fertility treatments exceeds $5,000
and in vitro fertilization tops $19,000, according to a second mortgages on their homes. A Barclay’s phone operator pled guilty
to stealing more than 4,000 pounds from his employer to underwrite his
wife’s in vitro fertilization. In many cases, insurance policies won’t
cover assisted reproductive technologies for individuals who haven’t
been diagnosed with fertility problems, and often they won’t subsidize
assistance at all.
“As lesbians a lot of us want kids and we already know that shit’s
too expensive,” Mead says. It’s exactly why sites like Pride Angel,
which counts more than 4,800 users willing to give sperm for free, are
growing. “The cost of fertility treatment is high. This is more
accessible, more direct and it cuts out the middleman. You go straight
to the donor,” says Freeman.
Still, plenty of fertility specialists believe that insemination —
particularly more invasive strains like IUI, in which washed sperm are
placed in the uterus to fertilize an egg, and IVF, when an embryo is
created outside the womb, then implanted in the uterus — belongs in a
medical setting, where they first originated. Dr. Eric Surrey, a
reproductive endocrinologist at the Colorado Center for Reproductive
Medicine told Slate
he understands the desire for couples to “have as pleasant an
environment as possible” when trying to conceive, but that “insemination
is a medical procedure, and like anything else in medicine, it requires
training.”
The Pipers conceived in their donor’s guest bedroom in Boston. A
nurse practitioner in Belfast, Maine, Lindsey Piper performed IUI on her
wife, Allison Piper, and believes that method is “easier than putting
in an IUD.” IUI requires sperm to be washed, or vetted for strong
swimmers and rid of a substance called prostaglandin, which can cause
cramping. Piper washed the sperm herself — she performs IUIs at the
feminist health center where she works, and says there each treatment
costs $300. She used a speculum and a four-inch syringe fitted with a
thin catheter measuring 10 centimeters.
“They were in the bedroom doing their thing,” she says of Brian and
Mike, the gay couple who donated sperm, “and Brian would holler
upstairs, ‘yoo-hoo!’ and that’s how we’d know the sample was ready. One
of us would come down and get it.” Piper recently taught a group of
home-birth midwives an at-home IUI technique, and also tutored her
neighbor, who she says conceived on the first try. One study found that
IUI was nearly three times
more effective than Intracervical Insemination, which Mead and Espinoza
used, for women using frozen donor sperm. Piper says it makes no
difference statistically for a woman with normal fertility.
Heterosexual couples with fertility challenges are also employing gadgets to get pregnant at home.
(Infertility is vaguely diagnosed as a year of trying to conceive
without success.) The creators of a new product called The Stork believe
it can be more effective than sex, and call their device the first
over-the-counter conception assistance device aiming to “bridge the gap
between infertility and expensive treatments.” The $79.99 kit designed
for one-time use has sold 30,000 units at CVS and Drugstore.com since
the FDA approved it in July. It was modeled after Gulf War veteran and
engineer Steve Bollinger’s own infertility hack — he split a racquetball
in two, ejaculated into half and inserted it into his wife’s vagina.
The couple conceived two kids this way.
The Stork’s forbear may have been a rubber ball, but it mimics the
decades-old medical practice of cervical cap insemination. The
difference is that it attaches a string, much like a tampon for easy
removal (after a prescribed 6 hours), and it is sold over the counter
for at-home use. It’s comfortable enough that women “have run half
marathons with these things,” Bollinger says.
“We’re not utopia or a magic bullet,” he adds. “But we get sperm and
egg closer, which is the only thing medicine has really done in the last
50 years.”
While The Stork’s success rate is still being researched — doctors
are recommending it to fertility patients who want to join the study —
Bollinger claims it has “very similar results to IUI, which costs
between $1,000 and $5,000 per attempt in a doctor’s office.” In theory,
such a device could boost fertility in couples by giving sperm a head
start, which is helpful if there is a decreased amount of healthy ones,
or if the vaginal tract is inhospitable due to stress or other causes.
Medical professionals warn that inseminating at home can pose health
risks, like tissue damage, uterine perforation, infection, or the
contraction of sexually transmitted diseases, but perhaps the greatest
threats are legal. Many of the legal protections that protect parents
who conceive by medically-supervised artificial insemination do not
cover couples who artificially inseminate at home. This means that
donors to at-home inseminators can legally claim parenthood and that,
for lesbian couples or straight couples using a sperm donor, the
non-carrying partner still must navigate a tricky path toward adoption.
Reproductive law specialist Melissa Brisman says she would
“absolutely not” endorse at-home insemination because most states
require it to occur under the supervision of a licensed medical
professional in order to fully terminate a donor’s parental rights.
“It’s one thing to be more comfortable, and to have things feel better.
It’s another if that sacrifices your legal rights,” she says. “When
there are no medical personnel, you’ll have a problem terminating the
donor’s parental rights.”
While the law favors doctors’ offices, Brisman estimates that
"hundreds of couples in each state are currently inseminating at home."
She has retained 20 pregnant lesbian couples in the last two years who
have done so and want to legally refute a donor’s parental rights and
navigate adoption proceedings for the non-carrying partner.
Often, women using friends’ donor sperm forgo contracts all together.
Mead refused to draw up papers (“we knew him, it would have been
awkward”), but hopes their email exchange, which included record of a
$150 payment to the donor, would hold up in a Florida court. For the
Pipers, a conversation about intent and goals was assurance enough.
“They have white couches and white carpets and everything matches.
They’re fine and don’t want kids,” Lindsey Piper says.
Brisman wouldn’t advise this route. “Clients have a hard time taking
the emotion out of it, because it’s a baby,” Brisman says. “But it’s 5
to 10 years down the road that I’m worried about. When the kid is five
and the couple gets divorced.”
“Macgyvering” conception feels like a natural act to men and women
raised on the Internet, Bollinger says, rather than a question of ethics
or the law. Birth control methods teach men and women that they are
gods of their own reproduction. At-home insemination advocates see the
practice as simpatico with the home-birth movement — women forgoing
hospitals in favor of laboring at home. “Since birthing left the woman
realm and became a medical thing, women have been quick to outsource
fertility to clinics,” Piper says. While she doesn’t recommend
non-medical professionals undergo IUI without education, she says that
the technology is accessible.
Meanwhile, Lindsey Piper is now pregnant with the couple’s second
child. After driving the four hours to Boston, Allison inseminated
Lindsey with Mike’s sperm, which she transported in a pickled carrot
jar. It worked on the second try.
Lesbians inseminating their partners report feeling more empowered
and connected by emptying the syringe themselves rather than watching or
waiting outside while a doctor in a lab coat does it. Mead says
inseminating at home was the best way to form a family that she could
imagine. “I loved that Teresa was part of the entire process, just like a
heterosexual couple,” Mead says. “She can really say she got me
pregnant.”
